so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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