3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
