I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize