Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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