Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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