I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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