I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
