He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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