she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
