I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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