; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
