i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
