Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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