i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
