So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
