i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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