the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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