this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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