I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
