I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
