You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
