Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
