i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
