He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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