from now on my penis is your penis
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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