just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
