i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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