Where is the hickey?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
