At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
