There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
