Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
