I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
