If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
