the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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