i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
