When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
