Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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