I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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