I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
