Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
