i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
