Do you still have your period?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
