Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
