Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
