It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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