I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
