i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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