Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
