Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize