Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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