you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
