Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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