Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
