Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
