So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
