did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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