Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
