mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
