i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
