Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
