Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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