question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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