if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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