When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It was confusing and full of hummus
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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