Sponge bath it is.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
