I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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