also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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