I skipped work to stalk him.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
