and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
