My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
