The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
