Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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