So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Nicole vs. Life
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
