Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
