I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I know her cup size but not her name....
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
