he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
