remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize