Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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