MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
