Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
