dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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