Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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