She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
