So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize