True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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