So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Life is so much better after having sex.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
