If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
