Your dad touched me again.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
