I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
