I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
